Under Wicked Sky
by rachelAbendstern
Summary: Teaser: Tonight the world celebrates the arrival of Her son. Ben isn't interested in a messiah. He doesn't need anyone to wash away his sins. He needds someone to keep the nomlies away.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Under Wicked Sky  
Author: rachelAbendstern (aka abendstern1601, amaranth)  
Characters: Ben, Alec  
Summary: Ben's been praying for the same thing for the last ten years. This night, the Lady will answer his prayers.  
Disclaimer: All things Dark Angel belong to James Cameron and Co., I'm just using their playground for my own recreation =)  
Spoilers: Pollo Loco, kind of.  
Author's note: I know, I should be writing on something else. And before the questions come up:

In this little AU world, the S1 ep 'Pollo Loco' didn't happen, so Max doesn't know her brother is reenacting their first Manticore manhunt. Thus, when Alec gets arrested during S2 'Hello, Goodbye' for his twin's crimes, Max leaves him with the police for Ames White to find. Whether she really believes he is responsible for the murders or doesn't want to acknowledge Ben's culpability, you can decide on your own. It doesn't really come up in this story.

Manticore still knew about Ben's psychosis and, even though they never caught up with him, made sure Alec didn't share his brother's instability.

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~ Under Wicked Sky ~

_Lay beside me, under wicked sky  
The black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyse.  
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through.  
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through.  
_

_(The Unforgiven II, Metallica)_

Chapter One

Seattle is unpleasant this time of year. Ben doesn't know what drew him here.

Freezing, but not cold enough that the snow stays on the ground. And in the partly frozen over but mostly muddy sludge that is left in its wake, it's hard to camouflage footsteps or tire tracks, especially in the wilderness.

Still, he stays away from the settlements that night, keeps his human contact to a factor of zero. Hides out in the woods while the world is too bright with little blinking lights and an ocean of false smiles. He has made an offering already a few days ago, praying for what he always prays after giving Her strength. _Let me be strong enough,_ he whispers to Her._ Let the loneliness end._

She hasn't answered him yet. Not this time and not any other time before. But She has kept him safe during the last eleven years, all this time; safe from Manticore, safe from his childhood nightmares, and he can't afford to stop believing in Her. The world around him doesn't make any sense, there's no set rules that he can follow, no rhyme or reason to the insanity that is human life. If he stops believing in Her, he will go insane. The Lady, though, is a hard taskmaster and sometimes makes it difficult to have _faith_ in Her.

Tonight, the world celebrates the arrival of Her son. Ben isn't interested in a messiah. He doesn't need anyone to wash away his sins. He needs someone to keep the nomlies away.

There's no reason why he should be outdoors this time of night, in this ghastly weather. Restlessness urges him to move, however, so he abandons the haven he has set up for himself when coming here the day before and treks through the silent, dark, deep woods without aim.

The sound of tires up ahead, pulling to a stop has him flying for cover underneath heavy brushwork.

A car door creaks open and slams shut. Footsteps, light and sure, predatory. Sounds of a key sliding home into another door, opening the trunk this time.

A shadow hidden in the underbrush, he creeps closer, careful to stay out of sight, out of hearing range, moving into the wind.

Something heavy and yielding hits the ground, and now there's soft whimpering, almost too low to hear. And a voice, dark in a way that has nothing to do with cadence, dangerous and sneering.

"Time to say good-bye, 494," it says, "and this time for good!"

And then there is the familiar click of a safety coming off.

Beneath the bushes Ben hesitates for only the fraction of a second. A glimpse of green eyes, dark blond hair and a connection that is suddenly just _there_, and he leaps out of his hiding place, steers the gun away from its intended target at the last moment before it goes off with a resounding _bang_.

It's harder taking possession of the gun than it ought to be, but when the man catches sight of his unexpected attacker he looks askance, steeling a startled glance at the huddled mess on the ground and that's it; the only opening he needs and he takes it, takes the gun and – using the momentum to his advantage – takes the shot because he knows better than to play with this strong an opponent if he wants to come out on top. Ben has been trained as a soldier and he is a _good_ one.

The stranger's eyes show nothing but surprise as he crumples to the forest floor, the hole between his eyes innocuously small. The hole in the back of his head is another matter.

He takes the time to position the body, takes his arm and (_crack_) arranges that as well. There's a small branding on the soft flesh of the man's inner arm, two snakes winding and intertwining around some sort of staff. Taking his teeth takes a little longer, but he has practice by now. _She_ brought him here, sent him this gift tonight of all nights even though he doesn't understand what to do with it yet. It is only appropriate to present Her an offering to show his gratitude.

He won't be able to do the tattoo on his prey's neck. That, however, is more for him than for Her anyway. Ben likes to think of it as signing his artwork (_there's another reason, buried in the deepest recesses of his mind, but he never thinks about it too much, doesn't acknowledge it_). And he doesn't know whether the stranger believed in Her, but he was strong and that makes him a worthier choice than many.

He still doesn't know what She wants him to do with his gift as he steps away from his offering toward the other body on the ground. The other doesn't move, didn't move during the small amount of time it took for Ben to complete his task, although he could feel the eyes staring at him all throughout. Familiar eyes. Identical to his own.

'494' the man has called him. 'Little brother' then, Ben decides, if they did the logical thing and just kept counting when they implanted the designation into their creations' DNA in the form of those bar codes on their necks.

He kneels down, examines the face he sees in the mirror every day, oddly discolored from fresh and fading bruises, flushed by a fever that shouldn't be. They were bred to be untouchable by disease. Fever-bright eyes slowly focus on him, and he sees 494's throat working, trying to form words.

"493," his twin croaks through abused vocal chords.

"Ben," he corrects, brushing blood and sweat matted hair out of a scorching hot forehead with unintentional tenderness.

"Yeah," 494 sighs, eyes sliding out of focus before he forces them back on him. "Ben." Something in his voice tells Ben this isn't the first time his twin has heard his name. He doesn't know how he feels about that.

"Do you have a name, 494?"

He's curious about this twin of his. Manticore never told him he has an actual brother, blood of his blood. But then, he was only nine years old when he got out of that place. _The bad place_, echoes in his thoughts, unbidden pictures of memories scratching at the surface of his mind.

There's a curious glint in the other man's eyes. Like he wants to laugh over a joke Ben's not privy to. "Alec."

_Alec;_ a good name. A strong name. _Alexander_ was the name of a great king in ancient times.

So what does She want him to do? What are Her plans for Alec? Does he even know he's been brought here, to his brother, by Her?

He can't help but ask, "Do you believe in the Blue Lady, Alec?"

"Blue Lady?" Confused green eyes look up at him and Ben can tell his brother has no idea what he's talking about. "What Blue Lady?"

Is it possible that Alec has never even heard of Her? Ben supposes it is. Manticore never encouraged them to have faith in a higher power, in someone who watches out for them. Had they known that the old black man back then has given them something to hold onto, there's no telling what may have happened. His siblings and he knew that instinctively, that's why they always kept Her a secret. Ben doesn't believe Manticore has changed its methods in the last ten years.

Alec's gaze has wandered off again, unfocused eyes trying to take in his surroundings while his hands keep futilely testing the bonds Ben only now notices around his wrists. Around his ankles too. His twin, he realizes, this _gift_ the Lady has given him, is completely at his mercy. Weak from illness and injuries and ill treatment, with bound hands and feet, Alec has no ability to fight back if Ben wants to kill him. Suddenly he doesn't think that's what the Lady wants at all.

If She wanted Alec for an offering (_one of the same magnitude as Abraham's son Isaac, only there would be no angel to stop Ben_), she would have sent him to Ben as an opponent, able to fight, maybe even able to beat Ben. Sending him to Alec's help, though, saving his brother from this man who wanted to kill him...

Alec truly is a gift to him and Ben feels his gratitude deepen even more. The loneliness has gnawed on him for over a decade. Can he keep Alec, that loneliness has come to an end after all these years. Hope cuts through Ben like a knife, sharp, painful and exhilarating. _She has finally answered his prayers._

He doesn't hesitate anymore. He stoops down to undo his brother's bindings; cuts through the rough rope, black with old blood, with the K-bar he always carries when the knots won't give, while Alec watches him with a frown on his face.

They have to displace, get away from this clearing. There is no telling who is able to trace them here, who is waiting for that man to come home, but that isn't his main concern, although he knows it should be.

Ben has set up base in one of Her houses, an old abandoned house of worship that's far enough from the nearest town that it may as well be in the back end of nowhere. Part of the eastern wall is fallen in, and most window panes are broken. Nevertheless, Alec will need time to heal, even with an X5's genetic make-up, and the house, drafty and rundown as it may be, still has to be better than the freezing and mucky forest ground.

Making up his mind Ben drapes one of Alec's arms across his neck and carefully hoists his twin up into his arms. It is clear that Alec is clinging to consciousness by the tips of his fingernails. While his hold on Ben automatically tightens a fraction, Alec's head is lolling on his shoulder in a way that suggests he isn't quite aware of what's happening to him. He can't suppress a pained groan at the jostling of undoubtedly broken ribs.

Ben frowns when he feels the ridge of his brother's spine press against his flesh. Even as skinny as Alec feels in his arms, he can't guess how long his twin has been in that stranger's clutches. X5's, for all that they are able to survive longer without food than ordinary humans, have a high metabolism which leaves them looking starved after only a few days of malnourishment.

He has to use the car to get Alec back to his safe-house, so he drives, his twin tucked into the back seat and carefully folded up because his limbs are just too long for the small interior. He is cautious to adhere to the speed limit, doesn't want to draw attention, and, once he has settled his brother, he will cover their tracks, abandon the vehicle on a lonely road somewhere as far away from them as he can manage.

Alec was the Lady's gift to Ben, and Ben won't let anyone take his brother away from him.

.

_to be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: It was too late yesterday, but since the story is already finished, here are the last three chapters.

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Chapter Two

_If you didn't want me to have him, why give him to me at all?_

Ben wants to shout the words at Her counterfeit, but he refrains. Alec doesn't react well to raised voices, Ben has learned that the first time he gave in to the familiar frustration and raged against Her.

Two days of waiting, and Alec has not gotten better. Ben cares for him the best he knows how; treats his injuries, keeps him hydrated, keeps him clean, puts wet compresses on Alec's forehead and thighs, but despite his best efforts, the fever keeps spiking.

There's a branding on Alec's inner arm, the same one Ben has noticed on that man, red and raw and burning even hotter, and Ben thinks that's what caused the infection but he doesn't know what to do about it. If an X5's immune system can't beat this mysterious illness, Ben's not sure what can.

Cradling his brother's head in his lap, carding his hands through sweat dark hair, Ben looks up at Her with pleading, angry eyes.

He has made their bedstead beneath Her statue in the small corner that is set-aside solely for Her. It's the most sheltered place in the derelict building, and he likes to see Her watching over them. The candles he has lit for light and warmth illuminate her beatific features, shadows and flame playing over Her. Animating Her. There's a small pouch, the once white cloth splotched by dark stains, lying at Her feet.

_Show me you're worthy. Keep him alive._

It's not the first time he hears Her voice in his head, and he looks down again at Alec's pale and still face. His twin hasn't been coherent since he brought him here. Conscious, yes. Not coherent. He is as scared of the dark place as Ben is. For the moment he is sleeping peacefully, only if the last days' experience holds true that won't last for long.

Desperation claws at him with sharp, long talons. The words of the janitor haunt him. _Pray to Her. She will watch over you. _Ben has prayed; has prayed for Jack, for Eva, for every one of his siblings. She took Jack anyway. She didn't watch out for Eva. He's never even seen any of the others again. He has tried so hard to be a good soldier, to be what he was meant to be, but it is never enough for Her.

She has given him Alec.

Ben needs to focus on that. _She has given him Alec. _And She has set the mission for Ben. _Keep him alive._ It's not the worst order he's ever followed.

Maybe he should go into town, acquire some heavy duty antibiotics. The captivity has obviously taken its toll on Alec. Maybe it's as simple as that his immune system needs a little boost to handle this attack. It's worth a try at any rate.

Ben is loath leaving Alec on his own like that, weak and helpless, but he needs those antibiotics (it has to be better than nothing), and it's the only option open to Ben. He doesn't have anyone he can call on for help.

Flashes of his siblings stand behind his eyes, in their blue nightgowns, heads shorn, forevermore little and frightened children, but he doesn't know where any of them are, and he's not sure he would go to them even if he knew. _Escape and evade,_ Zach has told them, _go to ground,_ and that order still stands as much as Ben misses his brothers and sisters.

That order, however, doesn't apply to Alec. He wasn't with them that night, and the Lady has brought him to Ben. He will go to hell long before he will let go of his brother.

Reluctantly he gets up, makes sure the blanket he found in the sacristy is wrapped tightly around Alec, makes sure there's a bottle of water in reach in case Alec wakes coherent enough to recognize it and leaves for the town.

It's a twenty minute hike underfoot, maybe, to the closest settlement, and Ben knows there's a small clinic there where he can find the drugs he needs. He would be able to make it in a shorter time. That, however, would mean foregoing any precautions, and he can't afford that right now. Acquiring the drugs is easy; it's two days after the celebration, and the white little house is empty and locked. There's a sign on the door that reads 'For emergencies please call...'

Ben does have an emergency, but he won't call that number. Instead, he takes a set of lock-picks out of the inner pocket of his jacket and goes to work. A part of him is disappointed that he doesn't meet any resistance. He disregards it easily. For the first time since they left Manticore his mission is clear, and he intends to follow it. _Keep him alive._

When Ben comes back with the penicillin in hand (and a pack of prescription strength Tryptophan because it was there and they are both bound to need it at some point) it is to hear a voice, low and melodic, murmuring meaningless reassurances. The sound origins in their corner where the Blue Lady is watching over them. Where Alec is waiting for him, only that isn't Alec's voice.

Ben keeps his steps quiet but quick as he crosses through the aisles of broken benches, coming up behind a man in a black suit with dark hair who is bend over his twin with a wet cloth in hand and hisses, low and menacing, "Step away from him!"

The man startles and twists around, staring at him in surprise, and Ben can now see that Alec's still unconscious, but he's agitated again. There's a white collar around the man's throat and Ben relaxes infinitesimally. If nothing else he knows the man won't harm them. Still, when the priest doesn't move

he grabs him by the scruff of his collar and forcefully makes him stand aside.

"Your brother is ill!" the man protests as if somehow Ben hasn't noticed. "He needs help."

"I know."

Glaring at the father to keep him in his spot, Ben kneels by Alec's side and brings forth several ampules of the broad spectrum antibiotic as well as a syringe. He and his siblings never got to finish field med, but he has enough knowledge to know how this works, and he's picked a few things up during his years on the run.

Alec doesn't like the needle. As soon as it slides into his skin he starts protesting, the unmistakable unease pushing him towards consciousness. He starts mumbling about being a good soldier and 'Please,' and 'Don't,' and 'Don't wanna go back,' and Ben's jaw clenches and his hand around Alec's wrist tightens more than it needs to hold him in place for the inexorable ordeal.

The dark haired priest watches him wordlessly as Ben administers the drug into his brother's system; as he pets Alec's hair to settle him down because that has helped before when he's been plagued by his nightmares; as he reaches for the bottle of water and carefully makes Alec drink another mouthful or so. He wants to ask what the man is doing here, why he hasn't left yet now that he has seen that his brother is in capable hands, but the priest is quicker.

"Where did you get... ?" he starts to ask, eyes on the remaining ampules next to Ben, but he catches himself. Sighing heavily, he tells Ben, "Back in the day I would have called you on the carpet for not taking him to a hospital." Looking around the deserted house of worship, he adds, "This is no place for the sick."

'Back in the day' meaning pre-pulse. Ben was about ten years old when it happened, but despite having an eidetic memory he's been out in the human world for less than half a year then, and he really doesn't have enough experiences to compare 'before' and 'after.'

"What's your name, son?" the priest asks. "And that of your brother?"

"Why do you want to know?"

Ben can count the people he's given his name to since being parted from his siblings on the fingers of two hands and still have four left. His name is something treasured, not easily given away (_he was never meant to have one, so it's not impossible that they can take it away from him_), and only because the man is a priest doesn't give him privilege enough. A name gives power over the person wearing it, that's something Ben has always been acutely aware of.

The priest considers him for a moment, then replies, "So I know who to call for when I come by tomorrow with something to eat." Looking down at the now sleeping twin, he adds, "Broth, from the looks of it."

Still not answering, Ben cocks his head at the man in bemusement. Yes, they do need food. He has some conserves and granular bars, foods that won't go to waste but nothing adequate, nothing for someone as sick as Alec to eat. Why is this man offering help when no one ever asked him?

"I became a priest because I wanted to help people in need of guidance," the father explains as if reading his thoughts. "Or in need, period. Only because your troubles are of a more worldly matter doesn't mean I'm not going to help you. And your brother will need some cosseting once the fever breaks."

Ben glances at the statue in his back. Is this Her doing too? Another sign that she wants him to keep Alec?

"Ben," he says, turning back around. "I'm Ben." He doesn't give his brother's name because it's not his to give. The man waits expectantly for another few moments, but he seems to get the message eventually.

"Alright, Ben," the priest inclines his head. "I'm going to come back tomorrow morning."

With that, the man stands and walks away, down the aisles with a last, contemplative look over his shoulder as he reaches the door. Ben still doesn't know what he was doing here in the first place. As long as he doesn't develop into a threat, he doesn't care.

It's late by now, and there's nothing he can do but wait; wait for the morning, wait for Alec's fever to break. He may as well get some rest. Shucking his jacket and boots, Ben slides under the blanket next to his brother, places a hand on Alec's chest above his heart and goes to sleep. This close, he will know if anything changes.

.

_to be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Rain, rain, go away,

Come again another day."

The rhyme sneaks up in his head while Ben stands by the broken window watching the downpour, safe inside the house and under the eaves, and he whispers it as he whispers his prayers. He doesn't like this weather much. There's never anything to do inside, and getting caught out in rain this bad is not something Ben will ever get fond of.

This time it's different, though, because Ben has no desire to go anywhere even if there's a restlessness growing inside of him that he can't quite make sense of. He's waiting for the priest to return, but he suspects that, as long as it keeps storming like this, nobody in their right mind will leave their houses.

A strong gust of wind whips rain into his eyes, and Ben moves to a more sheltered place.

"Rain, rain, go away,

Come again another day," he chants softly once again.

And almost jumps when he hears a quiet voice responding behind him.

"Little Benny wants to play."

Whirling around Ben comes face to face with his brother. Alec is weaving where he stands, one hand clutching the backrest of a bench for support, but he is conscious and alert, their blanket wrapped tightly around him. Ben feels a wave of relief crash over him. It's a physical sensation so strong that it almost brings him to his knees. Instead, he walks over and catches Alec by his elbow when it seems that his legs won't hold him up anymore.

"You shouldn't have gotten up," Ben admonishes as he guides his twin back towards the bed of rags and pillows and blankets that he has managed to unearth in several corners of their deserted small haven.

Alec watches him, silent and curious and maybe a bit suspicious too, until he's settled in their nest again, leaning against the worn, warm wood of another bench that flanks one side of their alcove. Ben sits down beside him. His twin looks exhausted even from this little exertion, dark blotches heavy underneath his eyes and still pale, but his eyes look bright and not from the fever. Ben looks up to the Lady's image, sending a silent prayer of thanks to Her.

"You killed White, didn't you?" Ben cocks his head at his twin, not recognizing the name. "Back in the forest?"

Dipping his head in acknowledgment, Ben offers, "He was strong. Even stronger than an X5."

Alec laughs. It's a dry, hollow sound. "That's a Familiar for ya. I thought it was all a dream."

Ben doesn't know what a Familiar is and he doesn't much care, at least not right now. He does care that Alec's eyes are starting to droop, but his brother stays stubbornly awake.

"They taught us to hate you, you know," Alec whispers, sleep so obviously weighing down on him. "You and the others who got out. They told us you were traitors."

Ben doesn't know what to say to that. He's expected as much, on some level, but that doesn't soothe the sudden sharp sting. That place (_the bad place_) has scared him like nothing else can, for as long as he can remember, but sometimes Ben can't help but think they should never have left. _He_ should never have left. He doesn't function out here, not the way he should. And he knows there's something wrong with him, feels it deep in his gut whenever he talks to Her, but he can't change it.

There's one thing, though, he needs Alec to understand. "I'm not a traitor. I never wanted to be a traitor."

His twin closes his eyes, sighing, leaning his head back against the wood and replies wearily, "Yeah. I've come to realize that during the last year."

He wants to know what has happened for Alec to say that. Before he even gets to voice his question, however, Ben feels a warm weight settle against his side and peeks over only to have a tousled mess of blond hair in his eyes. His brother has fallen asleep where they're sitting.

Ben kind of likes being used as a pillow like that. It's been such a long while since anyone's been this close to him that it feels new and exciting and intimate.

About an hour later, the priest arrives with the promised broth and there's a break in the clouds where the sun shines through the twilight.

Father Donnelly, as he introduces himself this day, intrigues and puzzles Ben in equal measure. He seems like a good man, and he seems to believe in his God as much as Ben believes in his Blue Lady, but the X5 has never met anyone as altruistic as this human seems to be. Whenever he has accepted some kind of help out here, there was always a price to pay for it afterwards. It has only taken Ben a few encounters to know what kind of help he doesn't want because he's not ready to pay the price for it, doesn't think he'll ever be that desperate again to pay that sort of price.

The father, however, doesn't ask for anything. Just helps Ben to start a fire for the chicken soup he brought in an old enamel pot and fills the silence with his words. His voice, quiet and deep, carries across the abandoned, desolate house of worship like the memory of prayers, murmuring and soothing and like it belongs. It tells of Martha's new baby back in the small town, and of the old woman who treats her dog like someone else would treat their children. It tells of Noah's ark, and of Lot's bargain with God, and of how His son was born a human to wash away the sins of mankind. Ben doesn't believe in any of it, but he's always liked stories and fairy tales, and Father Donnelly knows how to tell them.

Alec wakes up halfway through the Christmas story and stays awake long enough to eat a bowl of soup. He falls asleep again to the melody of a Christmas carol, slow and melancholic, and Ben is tempted to lie down next to him, let the father's voice carry them off to sleep, but he's not that trusting and it's too early for him to sleep at any rate.

When Father Donnelly gets ready to leave, promising to check up on the twins again the next day, or maybe the day after, Ben wants to ask him if he believes in Her as well. He doesn't, but the urge is there, strong and unexplainable. It itches beneath his skin, so he makes himself busy when the man is gone, cleans the ashes away, lights more candles for those that went out, rights the blankets around his brother. Alec's not feverish any more, at least. Ben is careful to not get his hopes up, but it seems as if his brother's X5 immune system has finally kicked in, and he's well on his way of being out of the woods.

Moving shadows draw his attention to the wall and he stares for a moment, watching his own hand flickering on the uneven surface of the brick wall next to the Lady's altar, distorted into a claw with too long fingers and bony joints by the flame of a candle.

Reminiscence curls his lips up into a smile. He hasn't done this for a long time.

Sifting through his bag of belongings which lies at the base of the bench on the one side of the Lady, Ben brings forth a small, compact torchlight and flicks it on. The light is weak and the beam small, but it's enough to cast a dog's head at the barren brick wall on the opposite side.

Something makes him look down, and there are eyes watching him, clear and curious. Alec shifts his gaze to the wall where the hand's shadow still looks like the head of a dog and with a quick rearranging of fingers the shadow changes into a rabbit.

When Ben catches the twitch of his brother's still pale lips, he settles in behind the torch, against the woodwormy bench and goes through every shadow figure he knows how to make. As child, he used to love doing this for the others, showing them something beautiful, something they didn't have to be afraid of in the sterile, loveless walls of their home. With Alec watching in rapt attention, the smile not leaving his face, Ben finds the enchantment it held in his childhood is still there.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" Alec asks, his voice still just above a whisper.

"Back at Manticore. One of the janitors showed me." The same one who has given Jack the picture of the Blue Lady, in fact.

"Will you show me?"

The request catches Ben by surprise and he hesitates because he's never been a teacher before. Alec, however, keeps watching him expectantly, so finally Ben nods. He moves a bit closer, helps his brother sit up, arranges their limbs and by the time he's done Ben's sitting with his back against the bench again, Alec in front of him in the cradle of his legs.

For a moment his brother tenses and Ben can almost feel the protest forming on Alec's lip. Then, however, he only slumps back against Ben's chest, waiting. That newfound warmth spreads over him again, while Ben holds the torchlight and shows Alec how to bend and twist his hands; and it's not just Alec's not-quite-healthy heat against him, it's something deeper, less palpable. Ben relishes this moment.

About half an hour later, Alec's hard won reserves are running out again, and he goes limp, heavy against Ben's chest, curling up and falling into unconsciousness in a matter of seconds. Ben knows he should get his brother settled again, but he can't bring himself to move. It's warm, and it's comfortable, and he hasn't been this close to anyone in over a decade, at least not in any form he wants to remember right now.

Setting the torch aside, Ben wraps his arms around his twin, hugging him closer, one hand tangled in too long blond locks. He buries his nose in Alec's unruly, unsoldierly hair and takes a deep breath. Some primitive part of him rejoices at the scent he finds. _Family. Pack. _He won't let this feeling go again. He can't.

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_to be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Ben knows there's something wrong with him. He knows what he's doing is wrong. This urge to hunt, this urge to kill isn't normal, not even for someone with feline DNA. In his clearer moments he wants to stop. But he can't. It feels too good. It feels right to hunt, to be what they made him to be.

But as long as Alec stays with him, Ben has a reason to reign himself in. To try and be a better man than he knows himself to be.

Still, when Father Donnelly confesses one night that he believes in the Lady, believes in Her as much as Ben himself, something inside him seems to turn like a switch. He can't help what follows next; can hear Her calling to him, asking for strength and Ben follows Her bidding as he always does. And he's ashamed of himself because he likes the father, but he's also exhilarated because there's the hunt, there's the smell of fear, there's the feeling of accomplishment when bone snaps and heart stills and blood flows.

There's another stained pouch lying at Her feet the next morning, and when Alec asks if the father's not coming that day, Ben says he doesn't know. As much as the soldier, the _killer_ in him enjoys the chase, the little boy in him knows that, if his brother ever finds out what he is doing, he could very well lose the one good thing that he has in his life.

He should have known that a secret like this can only stay hidden for so long. The Lady is not an easy taskmaster, and the gifts She gives must be earned and can easily be taken away.

A day later, Ben comes back from catching them dinner, a brown-specked hare in his white winter coat hanging limply from his hand, to find the old building empty. Nausea and foreboding settle in the pit of his stomach, making him dizzy and wanting to hurl when he spies the two pouches he has laid to the Lady's feet. They are in little crumpled heaps, their contents spilled over the altar and the floor beneath. A sharp scratching, breaking sound ricochets against the walls and hits his ears as he steps onto the scattered teeth.

"No."

His voice isn't more than a coarse whisper. Then he looks up at Her; at Her benevolent expression and unearthly beauty and he screams his anger and betrayal and fear, because Alec is supposed to be _his_!

The hare falls from his numb fingers, colliding with the floor with a dull, heavy thud. Ben is outside before the dead animal settles into lifelessness on the stony ground.

He has to find Alec.

That's the one lucid thought in his head. _He has to find Alec! _Alec was the Lady's gift to him, and he will not let him go!

He doesn't know how long it takes him to find his brother. Whenever he tries to think back, all he recalls are footsteps in the muddy ground and a sense of panic so deep it overrides any rational thought he may have had. But find his brother he does, just as the sun goes down.

Alec is sitting at the very top of an old water tower at the edge of town. It's merely coincidence and the fact that Ben's eyes are drawn to the high places no matter when or where he sees them that he notices his brother up there.

Although Alec doesn't give any indication that he notices his twin's approach, Ben has no doubt that Alec knows he's there. His brother may still struggle with the aftereffects of his illness, but he is also one of Manticore's soldiers.

The vague idea of overpowering him is forming in Ben's mind; of dragging Alec, kicking and screaming if need be, because he won't let go, he _can't_ let go, and if Alec doesn't come willingly, if he wants to leave him...

"You know there's something wrong with you, right?"

Alec's voice cuts through his jumbled, ill-advised thoughts, calms him down and upsets him at the same time.

"They knew," his brother continues, still with his back to Ben, and he steps closer, drawn like a moth to the flame. Only Ben is the flame, and Alec will get burned if he doesn't find a way to walk away right now.

"Manticore knew that you've gone off the deep end. Made sure I wouldn't do the same. I was enough of a failure as it was, without adding mental instability."

The implication of that declaration hits Ben like a physical blow. He doesn't want to imagine what they put his brother through because of him, but the pictures come all the same, unbidden, in the stark relief of childhood memories best left buried. _Long, empty white corridors; doors with small barred windows; disfigured faces snarling and screaming, groaning because they don't know how to talk; Jack lying on a stainless steel table, his head cut open and his guts lying bare._

Slowly sitting down next to Alec, he waits for what else his twin has to say.

Alec stays silent for a long time, but Ben is willing to wait him out now. His brother never looks at him, just watches the dying traces of the sun disappear behind the horizon, the feeble rays of its final stand swallowed by a shroud of storm clouds. When Alec finally talks, Ben has thought through a course of action for every possible scenario he can think of; just not the one he gets.

"If I choose to stay with you... Will you promise not to leave me?"

His brother still isn't looking at him.

"I never had any intention of letting you go."

That's nothing less than the truth. He _won't_ let Alec go. Under no circumstances will he let Alec go.

"That's not an answer."

Alec has already chosen. The sudden conviction settles firmly into his mind like a well-fed cat into its favorite pillow, and Ben feels almost giddy with relief. _Alec has already chosen._

"Promise me!"

Why his brother wants this specific answer to his question, Ben's not sure. He has no intention of letting Alec go, so not going to leave him is a foregone conclusion. Ben humors his twin nonetheless, meaning every word as he vows seriously, "I promise."

And now the other X5 turns to him, is watching him with eyes wide open and a vulnerability laid bare that Ben hasn't witnessed like this before. Something inside him echoes in recognition, like a chord struck with just the right amount of pressure. It's loneliness, Ben realizes; Alec is as lonely, as afraid of being alone as he is. They stay like that for what seems to be an eternity. When Alec finally looks away, Ben isn't afraid anymore.

That new, exciting feeling of warmth wraps around him again as his brother rests his head on Ben's shoulder. There's no hesitation this time when he tugs Alec closer, with his arm around bony shoulders and his chin resting on top of that mess of hair, and for the second time this week, he feels oddly content, reveling in the feeling itself and the knowledge that Alec is truly _his_ now. Out of his own free choice.

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~ The End ~

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Author's ramblings:

I don't usually like writing in present tense, but it felt curiously right to do it this way this time. Also, I had half a mind letting Ben kill Alec in an effort to not lose him and then build a shrine around his bones. But as well as that would have fit with the story, I like my Alec broken, not dead.

Can I just add here how very very hard (and a bit disturbing) it was to try and write from Ben's pov? I'm still not entirely sure I succeeded.

On a side note, I have never been to Seattle nor Washington state (nor Washington, D.C. for that matter). I have no idea what the weather there is like. But there seems to be a consensus in all the DA fiction I've read that it gets its fair share of rain, even during winter, so there.

Also, I'm a more or less faithful follower of Criminal Minds and one of the profilers once explained that (and I paraphrase, because I don't recall the medical vocab) psychotics, as long as nothing disrupts their own little world, think and act coherently. Within their standards anyway.

And I know once serial killers start killing, they usually accelerate and not just cut back or stop entirely, but whatever. This is fanfiction. Live with it or spend the money and get a properly researched work.


End file.
